& KANYELYKKETINGS

All the good stuff, for the time being.

Lying in bed listening to some interesting newer and older songs that get me going.

DNLD

+ the saltwater room- owl city 

+ day and night- kid cudi

+ i'm in miami bitch- LMAO

+ paranoid- kanye west

+ street lights- kanye west

+ robocop - kanye west

+ staralfur- sigur ros

+ love bug- jonas brothers

+ until we bleed- lykke li 

& so we're bound to linger on

i can't help but continue to write

it's like my brain is on overdrive and it won't allow me to slow down

everything feels really nice right now

really different

really refreshing

Connecting with people i haven't ever or in a while, makes me feel like there is a great chance of something decent coming along sooner or later.

Not that I didn't have the hope before, it just seems more likely- set in stone, more concrete that things will work themselves out.

I've often become nervous that I trust the future too much, I jump into life not afraid to make a splash. Things will work themselves out, if you are smart and continue to demonstrate integrity and independence then you will shine.

I'm sleeping.

Goodnight universe.

LYKEE OMG;

There's a marching band in my brain.

No, I'm not on drugs- thank you.

I'm expressive and feel as if the section of my brain that keeps me worried has been removed.

Finally, I'm breathing again.

Christmas is approaching, which means my heart is warming up and my longing for family time and red and glitter is growing with each day.

We purchased our Christmas Tree today and the smell of pine is just settling into our carpets and couches and pillows.

I chatted with my Aunt for a long time today on the phone, it always ceased to amaze me how my family prevails and continues to be positive even through the worst of things.

This is why I look and depend so much on people like my MOM & AUNT.

I love them, oh so much.

Anyways, can't wait for xmas. 

Can't wait to immerse myself in my selfish middle-upper class ideologies.

I am thankful.

That's all FER now.

This is me, like- just happy n shit.

WHY NAT.

Dear friend,

I'm begging you with everything you have to look into your heart and see the truth. I love you and care about you, but you know all of this. 

I know that sometimes you will find it hard to think of me, but I hope you do. We had a long time, and a real good run at it. We devoted ourselves constantly, to the best of our abilities- but sometimes when people are as unique and individual as the two of us were, paths are easily crossed and different directions are pursued. 

The easy thing to do, is to pretend everything was okay- in order to make yourself feel better and to take the blame and place it on me. 

However, I  know that when you find the courage to look into your heart you will see that this wasn't working. 

I always looked up to you for never following the crowd, but now in the situation you were in three years ago I realize how scary it is- and I hope it didn't scare you so much that now you won't budge.

I want you to understand that I love you so much. 

Don't be angry, but smile- because now you had the ultimate control of your life. 

You are an incredibly special person who deserves special attention- someone who will sit on your roof with you until sunrise, and make love to you, and cry with you, and be as rock solid as I was to you in the beginning before my life took over. 

I hope you can understand this wasn't what my heart told me to do, but my mind- as logistically it only made sense that we be apart. 

One day in the near future I want to see you again.

And I want to see you happy, and grown up, and be proud of the boy that stole my heart and possessed it for so long. 

It hurts me to tear myself away from you, and I will never forget how it feels to sit in your arms- and to talk to you and have you listen and know how truly hilarious you are.

Make me proud, and make yourself proud.

You have the ultimate potential. 

Use everything you have.

I love you forever,

Reilly