...

I was thinking how nothing last, and what a shame that is.

sometimes I wonder how my life would be different, if i was born then-
and not in 91'

i'm making eyes at you

Progressing into the most emphatic portion of her life,
a young girl closed her eyes and felt her head press against the back of her neck.
Wet hair stuck to her bare back, her hands touching cold tiles gracefully.

A shiver struck first her toes and then her knees. It ended only as her head shook slightly from side to side.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

& HO (ho ho)

Merry Christmas baby.
I don't think I could have hoped for a better post to find when I ventured on to your blog to catch up on your life.

You truly did fulfill each item on my wish list- of course not including the kiss under mistletoe but how can I blame you!

You are such a genuine and kind person- and even 2.5 years later I think it really goes to show we are two no-bullshit kind of girls. Together, we make a pretty strong team.

And I need no apology from you- people grow and I think we both have learned a lot from rumours, and ex's etc etc..

I hope you have an amazing Christmas.
You owe me lunch or coffee or something after all this crazy Holiday Mayhem.
GOT THAT!?

Missing you always,


BUNDATSHITYO.

; the one night that lasted

And felt like it may never conclude itself
As I rest my palms, on the familiar surface

Riding an enormous tidal wave
Crests of memories crashing

Alone I sit, in the one night that lasted

And only when I close my eyes does a solution surface
From the depths of my minds ocean

This moment, it mocks me
As I prop myself up, riding the wave
Smiling and breathing in the sultry smell of salt

As my eyes begin to burn, they roll back- my eyelids open
I am stuck here, waiting
in the one night that lasted

dear stefan; i hope you're pooing as you read this.

Your secret is out, everyone knows now that you read my posts from the toilet on your
iPHONE.

Listen, there's no shame in that- so don't fret.

I'm lying in bed, my entire body exhausted
Melting into every bit of material my sheets and pillows will allow.
Comfortable- and happy (to say the least) that the week is finally over.

I have felt so incredibly overwhelmed this past week- and thinking of all the things I can easily avoid until January is killing me, yet with this being said-I continue to avoid.

Tomorrow night deserves an energetic Reilly- meaning tonight I need to rest up.
I hope it doesn't snow too hard.
I would enjoy an adventure tomorrow and to be able to do all the fun things I would like to do.

I am so thankful that moh ho made me that playlist because so far I have really really enjoyed it!
I have managed to download all of the songs- and made a fun cd for those nights when I'm in the car, and roll down the windows in the freezing cold- music blaring







and sometimes, if it's really late, and no one is around



i'll sing.



Ghosts- Laura Marling ♥

Listen kids,
I'm tired.


I'll be back soon.
Don't hold your breath (probably some of the best advice I've ever heard)

; to moh

& lt's ptnd ths nvr hppnd

I
can't
bring
myself
to
accomplish
anything!

It's called procrastination, something I'm extremely familiar with.
It's frustrating.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow- wednesday.
I'm looking forward to waking up to my mom- telling me a story to make me smile
and putting on my sweatshirt and gently tripping down the stairs to the kitchen- where I will eat my Multigrain Cheerios & banana.
I'm looking forward to rushing around, just to make it to the car in time.
& Slipping on the driveway in my already soaking boots.
Snow trickling down from the sky onto each eyelash-
Causing me to blink profusely until they have melted away into the back of my brain.


Some people avoid routine.
Can't stand it.
And believe me, I've felt that way too- the feeling of dreading what you know will come each day.
But being content with routine, forces you to pay extra attention to the things that appear different each day-

Maybe I'm trying to justify my own pathetic life because I know this is more or less how I'll live the rest of my life.
HA!

But yes, I like routine.

I'm looking forward for my perfectly normal routine that leaves me oh so content to include someone who makes me melt.





Lets Pretend This Never Happened.

; cause you don't know who i was before you...

Dear Blogger,

Hoooooow I have missed you over the past few days.
I swear I can explain my absence, as the weekend took it's typical nasty toll on me I was very busy and didn't get the chance to write.

Today was an amazing day though, and for a Monday is wasn't nearly as dreadful as past Mondays I've had.

I find these days there's no real proper explanation to a good day vs. a bad day
they simply are either one or the other
mostly because of a mood or because of how the people around me make me feel
I suppose also, now that I am re-learning myself it's not just the people around me but a comfort within my own self that sets the mood from day to day.

Recently I have been analyzing Macbeth, a seemingly boring Shakespeare play to some students, but the content is unexplainable- hilarious really and makes me think William was probably a real charmer, way back when.
The sexual innuendo and outwardly dirty comments made are really something- check it out boys and girls.


I miss PK.

The end.

P.S I'll be back later.

ON THIS DAY: DECEMBER 3RD, 2008

My room is fucking hot.

like so hot that I would rather be lying down outside posting this than in this hot bed in this hot room in this hot house.

today was oh so interesting and oh so eventful- school was a combination of aimless texting, talking about love & the rest of my life.

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one i see

V is very very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore

Honestly, as cheesy and cliche as that sounds- I'm pretty sure there is some validity to this horrible love song! 

But seriously-  I would get into the love talk but thinking about it makes me sick right now, and I've talked about it far too much- 

I'm a wreck.

Hah, I should probably get my life all sorted out now.

My with the same ideas tossing and turning in my head all the time it's hard to settle down on one topic and discuss, I'm pretty easily distracted and the combination of the heat in my room is making my brain swell.

I want to study, and drink hot chocolate with whipped creme˚ 

I'm happy Moh Ho (my favourite HO) got blogspot.

She inspires me, and I'm glad we have rekindled our friendship.

I missed her lots.

I feel sleepy from all this heat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GX3u48bX7o

I ate popcorn today,

Just about my favourite after school snack- 

Which I suppose in theory could make my day pretty sweet,

or salty depending on how you think the popcorn would tingle on my taste-buds.

I miss a lot of people tonight,

People I haven't seen in far too long- friends that I've missed-

My stomach is hurting, just right now

I'm thinking maybe its to do with the longing to reconnect.

I'm not necessarily in the right mindset to tell tales about my day at the moment,

So I'm contemplating checking back in tomorrow to spill the beans.

No one is awake here now, 

And I love it- I'm avoiding even playing music- just so I can try my hardest to type as quietly as I can.

Not that if I typed any louder I might wake people up-because I doubt the sounds of my little fingers typing away could awake anyone, but the whole concept of it makes writing here a little more exciting.

So I type and I type...

With no resolution.

Gooooooodnight.

& Until We Bleed- Lykke Li

I'm naked
I'm numb 
I'm stupid 
I'm staying
And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'

Lights black; heads bang
You're my drug
We live it
You're drunk, you need it
Real love, I'll give it
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

You wasted your times
On my heart
You've burned
And if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too

Doors slam
Lights black
You're gone
Come back
Stay gone
Stay clean
I need you to need me
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

Now we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed

I've been thinking about a conversation I had with a friend earlier today, and it's really been bothering me.

We've been friends for a while now, about six years.

She reminded me of something that I hadn't even thought about probably since it happened, and it made me sad to think that I cannot possibly remember each detail or story or moment or memory in my life, even thus far (only a mere 17 years)

And even with cameras and the amazing technology we have, it is nearly impossible to capture each emotion and what had just happened, and the true and natural anticipation of what will happen next.

Plus when I turn 30 and look at a picture of me with my friends when I was 17, my brain will have matured and developed and neurons will have pruned themselves and certain aspects of my thinking will be drastically different, meaning when I remember that moment by an image filled with faces and colours my brain will process the photo in a completely different context.

I know this is life, and this is what makes it so bittersweet- but couldn't there be some way, and maybe it is just writing down everything that happens- but something to put you right back where you were, remembering each moment. 

Like the smallest stuff, that might just change you a little- but means a lot.

I suppose this is why things such a blogs have always intrigued me.

People attempt to commercialize technology to make you process your memories all the same way.

But I'm going to find my own way.

And when we're 90 years old and meet on the street, I'll be able to tell you all of my most vivid memories, and you will be stuck with an old picture- the colours turned yellow and the smiles faded.

Now it's just figuring it all out that's the issue.

"What did you dream the night you ate a spider while sleeping?"

I dreamt that I was sitting at the dinner table with all of my extended family. 

Obviously I hadn't met them all, but there was a certain phoniness in my smile that reassured me who they were. I took a spoonful of green peas placing them gently on my plate, not making a sound. 

As I scooped them up and put them in my mouth I felt each one "POP" and begin dancing in my mouth, tapping on my tongue and teeth. As I opened my mouth, almost with anticipation they danced faster. My relatives stood up in amazement, they began to clap and dance as well, for the peas had made them shake their heads in disbelief.

Fin.